Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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