I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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