i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
