She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
