i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
