he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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