Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize