I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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