I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
