MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My vagina is officially offended.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
