i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
