Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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