Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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