No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
