so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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