That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
