Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
