Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
