I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
