I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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