We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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