FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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