I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
