Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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