Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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