i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
