I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize