Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
