Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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