Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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