You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
