Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
