i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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