i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize