I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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