Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
