I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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