fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think i have two assholes
Too much gin, very little bucket
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
