It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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