I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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