is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
