I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
