Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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