I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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