i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
