i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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