Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
