Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So vagazzling was a success
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
