can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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