she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
