I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
