All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
