FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
