Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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