hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
