Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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