According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
