I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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