SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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