What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
