wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize