I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
