They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What a dumb baby whore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
